Sometimes
by marriedmyedward
Summary: Sometimes we can't deny our need, the flame that burns inside for one another. Sometimes we must give into it, scratch that itch so that this house of cards we've built doesn't come tumbling down around us, burying us all.
1. Chapter 1

**This story came to me suddenly this afternoon upon hearing the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**. Wow, 80's music so rocked, didn't it? **

**My beta harritwifan rocks even harder! Thanks so much hon!**

**I'm going to try short chapters once or twice a week for this fic. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

**Sometimes **

**Chapter One - Tonight**

**EPOV**

Don't get me wrong. I love my girlfriend, she's great. Bella is amazing. And she's the only girl for me. The only _girl_, that is. But I like boys, too. One in particular. One beautiful boy with the bluest eyes I've ever seen and blond curly waves that perfectly frame his perfect face. Jasper.

Everything has fallen into place for him to come over tonight. Alone. We are very rarely alone. We don't allow it to happen often, but tonight we will. We must. I need to see him. Really see him. Really look at him the way I usually don't allow myself to. Really touch him. Really feel him. Hopefully inside me, again.

We actually see each other plenty, every day at school. We don't run in the same circles, but we seem to be around each other constantly; his girlfriend being sisters with mine has us thrown together a lot.

The Swan sisters. Man are they a sight for sore eyes. My Bella is a couple years older than us. She attends the community college and lives at home. Jasper's Alice is a senior, same as Jasper and me. Both girls are beautiful brunettes, yet polar opposites in every other way. They are the lights of our lives. Most of the time.

But sometimes - not very often - but sometimes, we can't deny that flicker, that flame that burns inside of us for one another. Sometimes we have to give in to it, scratch that itch so that this house of cards we've built doesn't come tumbling down around us, burying us all.

And finally, fortunately, sometime has come for us tonight. My father will be at work until morning and Bella and Alice have just left with their parents for a week long vacation.

And just in the nick of time, for Jasper has seemed desperate these past weeks. I've caught him staring for too long a few times. Even blatantly looking at my ass a time or two. I swear he was on the verge of kissing me when we ran into each other in the hall between second and third period this morning.

So our time together can't come soon enough. We've waited too long since our last rendezvous. It's been months, four at least, since the opportunity presented itself like it so perfectly has this weekend. It's almost as if fate knew a shit storm was about to rain down if Jasper and I didn't get our fix. Tonight.

**We'll find out how tonight's sometime for the boys begins within the next week. Since the chapters are short I'll try to post often. I heard that song and just couldn't get this idea out of my head. **

**But first I'll get the next **_**In the Corner**_** chapter up; I've been working on it. Riley keeps sauntering in and Edward gets yet another new experience with Jas's patient instruction. Mmmmnnn… those boys are so sexy. Even when they're thousands of miles apart.**


	2. Playing It Cool

**This story is inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**. I've also been listening to **_**Kryptonite**_** by **_**Three Doors Down**_**, **_**Lovesong**_** by **_**The Cure**_**, and **_**Run to You**_** by**_** Bryan Adams**_** for inspiration for these boys.**

**Thank you again and again harrytwifan! You keep me writing! And make what I write better! You're such a wonderful beta and friend!**

**This chapter is special because bellemeer preread it for me. She made this chapter better for sure! Thank you hon!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

**Ch. 2 – Playing it Cool**

**EPOV**

According to the text I just received, he'll be here in twenty minutes. Here in my house, in my room with me, alone.

In my arms.

In my bed.

I have enough time to shower, to prepare myself for the decadent things only he does. Like how he kisses me… where he kisses me_. Oh God, yes…_He kisses me _everywhere._

As the hot water washes over me, I deny the urge to jack off. I already have a semi. Jasper isn't even fucking here yet, but I know what is coming. My body knows the assault of pleasure it's in for. The pleasure only Jasper knows how to give.

I've tried so hard not to admit to myself that he gets me off like no other. I've fucked a few girls other than Bella and I all but fucked one boy. No one, not a single one of them, had the intense effect on me, on my body, that Jasper does. He always knows how to do everything right. He always knows exactly what I need.

_Fuck! _Now I've got full-fledged wood. I really don't want to be so obviously eager. I don't want to admit to myself how much I'm looking forward to this and I most certainly don't want to admit it to Jasper. I can't let him see how badly I need this. How badly I need him. Because the precarious relationship he and I barely maintain very much depends on its casual nature. It must remain casual. An afterthought. A whim.

If we were to open the floodgates and let our pent-up emotions flow freely, everyone would see. They would see what we do to each other. How we feel about each other. What we are to each other. Everyone would know. Namely Bella and Alice. And as important as Jasper has become to me, not hurting Bella is paramount. I must not hurt her. I will not hurt her.

There… that does it. Thoughts of Bella and betraying her with him cause my dick to deflate and damn near crawl up inside my body. Yet the hard truth of the matter is that as hurt as she would be if she found out about what I sometimes do with Jasper, well… she would be much more hurt if I didn't occasionally give in to my urges for him. Because if I didn't give him a small piece of myself, I fear that the rest wouldn't be worth giving to her. And she loves me. She needs me. She would be lost without me. I won't do that to her.

Wrapping the towel around my waist, I go to my room and am immediately aware of his presence. I'm not alone. He is here. I feel him in every cell of my body. I smell his unique scent. I can even taste his distinctive, delicious flavor. And my dick knows he's near, promptly rock-fucking hard again.

_Down boy… almost. Just play it cool a little bit longer_.

As if four months hasn't been long enough. Four months of playing it cool. Four months of jacking off like a mad man any time I've been around him. Four months of fucking the shit out Bella in an attempt to get him out of my head.

I ignore his hidden presence and go to my dresser for some boxers. He must be in the chair in the far corner of my room…

"Enough of the bullshit, Edward. I know you know I'm here. No more games. Not tonight." His demanding voice sends shivers throughout my already trembling body. I can't hide from him. Nor do I want to.

Not sometimes.

Not tonight.

* * *

**My amazing beta harrytwifan has been nominated for Best Beta in the Wordsmith Awards and my story **_**In the Corner**_** was nominated for Best Jasper. Check out all of the fantastic nominees at: **

**wordsmithawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/nominees (dot) html**

**Voting is May 17th through May 26th!**

**And hey! You have to check out the fun summer contest _The Summer It All Began_ at: ****www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/3901802/**

**I'm not saying if my story is up yet or not, but you have plenty of time to check out the anonymous stories and then vote between June 16****th**** and June 30****th****.**


	3. Revelations

**This story is inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**. **_**Kryptonite**_** by **_**Three Doors Down**_**, **_**Lovesong**_** by **_**The Cure**_**, and **_**Run to You**_** by **_**Bryan Adams**_** are also inspiration for this story.**

**I have the speediest bestest beta in the world… harrytwifan! Thanks babe! And I now also have the speediest bestest prereader… bellemeer! You girls help me so much. You make my writing and my life in general better. I don't know what I'd do without you.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

**Ch. 3 – Revelations**

**EPOV**

He is behind me before I find the nerve to turn around.

Right behind me.

The moist heat of his breath caresses my neck. His strong hands grasp my hips, pulling me back against his matching arousal.

I moan his name without thinking.

"Jasper…"

_Shit._

By the catch in his breath, I know he has heard. He knows. Of the desperation his whispered name wreaks. Of the need. The want. The love?

_No! _Not love. I don't. I can't. I won't.

While I sometimes want him, need him, have to have him right the fuck now; I must never love him. Not like this? Not like I now know that I do.

I tremble at my revelation. My admittance to myself of what I've known all along. A knowledge I've refused to acknowledge, because no good can come of it.

It changes nothing. And everything.

Unfortunately, it does. It changes everything.

If _this_ is love, _this_ cannot be. We cannot be. Not sometimes. Not ever.

So this isn't love. I won't allow it to be. This is simply waiting too damned long between indiscretions.

This isn't love.

Loosening his grip, he rests his forehead against my shoulder. He is trembling, too. His voice is velvet; soft and vulnerable. Not a voice I've heard before. "I know…Edward. I feel it, too. It's okay. It will be okay."

He knows?

He knows what?

He knows nothing!

I shake my head, rebelling against what he has the audacity to admit out loud. Yet, he falls to his knees behind me, his hands finding their way beneath my towel, and I quickly forget.

I forget what it is that I'm shaking my head against. All I know in this moment is his touch and the heat it causes to spread throughout my body. The rosy flush of my desire evidence of my surrender to thought.

He wastes no time finding my inner thigh, my aching balls, my famished hole. The towel is pulled away to fall at my feet. Again his name escapes me, with a hiss this time, the sudden feel of his demanding lips at my entrance practically bringing me to my knees before him. Suddenly, I'm leaning over my dresser, willingly pushed there by his free hand, the other spreading the cheeks of my ass apart to grant him better access.

_Fuck, _he feels so good. _ This_ feels so good.

I lose track of what's inside me, his fingers or his tongue; both at times - fucking me to the edge of oblivion and back, again and again. But I won't take that leap until it's his dick that strokes my insides.

So I beg.

I beg for it.

I beg for him.

I beg him to put me out of my misery. My ecstasy. My vulnerability.

He answers my pleas with wet kisses up my back, along my neck to my ear, my mouth. God, how he kisses my mouth… fucks my mouth with his. Never should a kiss be this intimate. But ours is, this is, our tongues caressing so deep and languid. Telling of secrets, of deepest desires… forbidden emotions.

The battle still raging inside between what my heart should need and what it actually does need comes to its abrupt halt.

I give myself over to him. To Jasper. To this, our time together.

For the time being he is all I know. All I need.

There is only him.

**Please review if you like this or don't, agree with Edward or think he's a total ass. I'd love to hear what you think!**

**I do apologize to everyone who has left me a review, for not responding yet. I have read your reviews over and over. Each one means so much to me and inspires me to write even more. But juggling real life, two stories now, other one-shots, continuations of one-shots, and real life - is seriously kicking my butt. There are many talented authors that keep up with it all much better than me. Don't know how you do it! You know who I'm talking about. Anyway, I promise I will reply to your reviews, and usually in a much more timely manner!**

**My amazing beta harrytwifan has been nominated for Best Beta in the Wordsmith Awards and my story In the Corner was nominated for Best Jasper. Voting is now through May 26th! Go vote for your favorite nominees at: wordsmithawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/voting (dot) html**

**And hey! You have to check out the fun summer contest The Summer it all Began at : www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/3901802/ **

**I'm not saying if my story is up yet or not, but you have plenty of time to check out the anonymous stories and then vote between June 16th and June 30th.**


	4. Home

**This story is inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**. **

_**Kryptonite **__**by Three Doors Down**_**, **_**Lovesong**_** by **_**The Cure**_**, and **_**Run to You**_** by **_**Bryan Adams**_** are also inspiration for this story.**

**I have the speediest bestest beta in the world… harrytwifan! Thanks babe! And I now also have the speediest bestest prereader… bellemeer! You girls help me so much. You make my writing and my life in general better. I don't know what I'd do without you.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

**Ch.4 – Home**

**Epov**

He guides us to my bed, gently kissing my neck and shoulders. Every touch of his mouth sparks and tingles warmth throughout my body.

Stopping us at the edge of the mattress, his hands explore my chest, my stomach, down to the junction where my thighs meet my groin. He has yet to touch my throbbing dick, driving me insane with need for his touch there.

Each of his heavy breaths in my ear contradicts his assured caresses. He's as affected by me as I am him. I know this to be true.

Time stands still. How long are we like this?

_This_ is the calm before the storm.

_This_ is the eye of the hurricane that is our lust, cresting and falling between the waves of our passion and need.

_This_ is Jasper taking care of me before he fucks me.

_Yes…_

He embodies sex. The kind of sex I crave. The kind of sex I need.

I can't think straight anytime he is near; but when he's here like this, touching me, only me - it's as if all else ceases to exist… the bed he fucks me on, the walls surrounding us, the fucking earth, the universe. They are nothing. All there is, is Jasper.

I revel in this quiet time, yet welcome the passion that will consume us.

"Are you ready, baby?" The intense tone of his words tells me that the time has come.

My answer is but a whisper.

"Yes. Fuck, please…"

And there it is.

The immediate change in atmosphere as the air becomes heavier.

Hotter. Harder to breathe in and out.

And the near growl that quietly rumbles from his chest causes my aching cock to twitch and leak.

Gripping my hips, he positions me near the edge of the bed on my hands and knees. He stands behind me, caressing along the cheeks of my ass, down to my inner thighs, spreading my legs to his liking.

His voice is dangerously controlled; so soft and tender, yet sodden with dominance and power.

"Stay just like this. Do you understand me, Edward? Do. Not. Move."

_Fuck… Me…_

He undresses behind me, the rustle of his clothes heightening my arousal as I realize I've been completely naked, exposed to him on multiple levels while he remained fully clothed. How did I not notice? Was I so consumed with his every touch? With what he does to me?

The next thing I'm aware of is his slick and slippery sheathed cock at my entrance. Somehow I missed him putting on the condom and lube? Lost in the lust-induced haze he envelopes me in once more?

Tightening his grip on my hips, his fingers dig painfully into my flesh as he enters me with one sudden, powerful thrust, immediately completely deep-seated within me, his cock buried balls deep as they slap against mine.

I scream at the intensity of sensations rocketing through me.

His name.

I scream his name.

It echoes off the walls that aren't there, laced with emotions I know should not be. But I don't care; I can't find it within myself to care. Because I'm home.

Finally.

Having Jasper inside me feels like coming home.

* * *

**Sorry these boys took so long to continue their night. I have an entry in The Summer It All Began contest and I wrote a one-shot for harrytwifan's birthday that is now on my profile. Now I will be focusing on this story and In the Corner, so more updates for both!**

**Check out all the entries for The Summer it all Began at : u/3901802/ **

**There are still a couple days to vote, thru Saturday June 30****th****!**


	5. Again and Again

**This story is inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**. **

**Harrytwifan betaed this! Thanks babe, again and again… just like these boys. Hee hee! I did tweak it some more after getting back from her, so any mistakes are definitely my own.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

**Song inspiration for this chapter – **_**Lovesong**_** by **_**The Cure**_**.**

* * *

**Ch. 5 - Again and Again**

**Epov**

"Jaaaasss… per!"

The way he fills me – hurts so much at first. It hurts so good. He trembles behind me, panting and cursing.

I know he needs to fuck me hard.

I know he needs to fuck me now.

But he attempts to delay while my ass adjusts to his girth and length… his incredible girth and length. He is so big and so hard.

Thank fuck.

I need it.

I need him to stretch me to my limits. And he does.

Jasper seems to know when the scorching pain becomes a yearning ache. Squeezing the cheek of my ass with one hand, he grips my hip with the other, holding me in place as he drives into me for the second time.

"Yes… fuck! Jasper…" I scream.

Murmuring behind me, he encourages my vocal pleas. "Yes, baby… that's it. Let me hear you. Let me hear how much you love my cock in your tight ass… how much you need it..."

He delivers another calculated blow, sweetly tortuous, at a new angle this time. My body is on sweet fire as he touches that spot inside of me only he has ever touched.

Delicious fire that burns me from the inside...

As the flames subside, I moan and beg, "Yes… right there... don't stop. Jasper, please… don't stop…"

So he doesn't. He doesn't stop. Again and again he fucks me. Again and again he causes delicious shocks to rocket throughout every nerve in my body, his body; my body is his. He owns me right now. As again and again he hits that spot.

"Yes!"

Again…

"Fuck yes!"

Again…

"Jasper!"

He slows. Then stops. He rests his forehead between my shoulder blades, kissing and licking at the skin there while attempting to catch his breath.

"Shit. Edward. When you scream for me, baby…"

"Only you…" I barely whisper, interrupting him. _What the fuck?_

"What?"

"Only you," I answer, saying the words louder this time, with conviction. _Why am telling him this?_

Because it's the truth and sometimes I must be honest with him, if only for the time being, while he fucks away the insecurities and doubts.

"Only me?" he asks. Breathlessly. Hopefully?

"Yes, Jasper." I look back at him over my shoulder. He takes my breath away, all wanton and gorgeous, darkened blue eyes asking for my explanation.

"I only _scream_ for _you_..."

Our bodies still fused, he twitches inside me.

"Only _you_ can make me scream."

"Fuck, Edward…"

Grunting, he resumes fucking me. He resumes his assaulting force and pace, but moves his hands to caress my back. Our gaze never falters as I continue to look back at him; even the jerking of my body can't break this connection. I cannot look away.

I'm shouting his name again, so close but not quite, holding off because I don't want this to end. It takes so long for us to get here, on so many different levels; I don't want this to end.

My cock has yet to be touched - it bobs violently between my legs - the motion alone almost enough to push me over the edge. Coupled with the repeated blows to my prostate, I wonder if I might cum without ever being stroked. Is that even possible?

I swear I'm just about to, when Jasper's rhythm becomes sporadic; erratic. He begins chanting with each searching thrust, "Oh god… Oh god… Oh god… Oh god…"

"That's it… cum for me Jasper. Cum on me… cum all over me…" I beg for his seed on my body. Anywhere… Everywhere…

I crave it. I crave _him_, his essence all over me. As if it will cleanse me of these desires. As if it will wash my need for him away.

He complies, swiftly withdrawing from inside me and ripping the condom off in one fluid motion. I feel so empty, so bereft, but the look on his face… that of intense pleasure laced with sweet pain as he grips his cock in his fist, his free hand bruising my hip, tightly clinging to my flesh there. Finally, he begins shooting his load all over the cheeks of my ass and lower back.

A different voice screams a different name with each spurt of his hot cum.

_His_ voice screams _my_ name.

He calls to me. He calls for me. Because of me.

Over and over again, he screams…

"Edward!"

* * *

**Whew… finally one of them gets off! Now for Edward? How will Jasper help him to find his release? I don't think it'll take much. **

**I'm so behind on reviews, but I'll really try to respond to you within a couple days and with a short sneak peak if you want one. **

**I adopted a beautiful and sexy banner for this story from the Adopted Banners Group on facebook. Ellie Wolf made it for **_**Sometimes **_**and its sequel **_**This Time,**_** that will immediately follow the completion of **_**Sometimes**_**. **

**I opened a tumblr account for my banners and pic and song inspirations. I'll try to occasionally post teasers, too. Feel free to ask me any questions there. You can see my new **_**Sometimes**_** banner and the awesome banner that Yulliah just made me for **_**If You Leave**_**. I also have a link to the rec IYL just received last Thursday on Dreamin' of J-Bone. **

**http luckytomarriedmyedward –dot- tumblr –dot- com (Replace the '–dot-'s with a '.')**


	6. You Turn Me On

**This story was originally inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**.**

**Thank you to my beta harrytwifan for cleaning up my stories so they're presentable for you and for always being there for me!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

**Song inspiration for this chapter is **_**Turn Me On**_** by **_**The Fray.**_

**Ch. 6 – Turn Me On**

**Epov**

He collapses against my back, gasping for breath. The weight of him feels so right. So good. I lower us to the bed. His heart pounds through his chest, against me, and I'm mesmerized by the feel of it. Beating for me.

I don't want to dwell on the thought of it… of his heart. How good it feels to feel it. How good it feels to want it, to need it to beat as it does.

He's completely still as he attempts to collect himself - his heart rate slows, his breathing returns to normal. Confusion starts to creep back in with the lull in our activities, but the throbbing ache in my groin saves me from my thoughts, distracting me with my desperate need for release. I can't help but grind into the mattress, the added weight of Jasper on top of me increasing the welcome friction.

His husky voice surprises me as I'm suddenly being flipped onto my back.

"I don't know what it is about you, Edward… but, fuck… you turn me on…"

Then his face is hovering above my leaking erection. I'm harder than I've ever been; I swear my balls must be turning blue. As it is, my cock is a blushing pink, darker and darker it becomes moving up the shaft to its head, to its purplish head… it's actually fucking purple. It hurts so good to need to cum this badly.

When he speaks again, his mouth is so close; I feel his hot breath caressing my aching flesh.

_Fuck, I need his mouth on me. _

"God, you look so fuckin' hot like this. Do you need to cum, baby? Do you need me to make you cum?"

"Please!" I hear myself begging for him again… to do something, anything to take away my pain,_ my _delicious discomfort. I can't stop myself from sounding so desperate.

I writhe beneath him, thrusting my dick against his mouth, along his full cock-sucking lips. I swear they were made for just that.

His hands are on my body, not confining but learning. As if he's committing every inch of me to memory. He doesn't open his mouth to let me in, but moves just enough away to deny the contact for which I frantically search with each thrust that I make.

"Shit, baby… the way you move…" he moans, watching me. Again he drives me insane with his hot breath, as his throaty words wash over my cock.

Inches. Inches is all that separates me from his moist warmth and suction. So long I've waited to feel it again. And he knows it. He knows how much I need it. How much I need him. He knows the power he has over me when he's working my body like this.

"Ungh… touch me, Jasper. Please? I'm so close."

"Touch you? Like this?"

Grasping just the base of my erection, he points it straight up into the air and proceeds to blow a hot breath up and down. I raise up on my elbows, unable to look away from the sight of him so close to my dick. I have to see, watch every detail, remember every act for when I'm alone and touching myself to thoughts of him.

I know he's about to give in, to touch me, to take me into his mouth. Any second –– when he's done with his teasing. He needs to touch me as badly as I need to be touched by him. He needs to suck my cock.

The pre-cum trickles down my length. His eyes focus there and he licks his lips in anticipation of my flavor. And there it is. It has to be. The sight of me seeping for him is his undoing as he finally touches my cock with his tongue, dragging it up my shaft, licking up every drop of pre-cum in one swipe; his tongue is so fucking huge.

And strong. His tongue is so strong. He massages my aching cock with it while sucking me into his mouth. All the way in.

All the way in!

"Fuck, Jasper… so good…"

I'm screaming again. I can't stay quiet to save my life. His name rips from my lungs with each descent of his mouth as he swallows me. A guttural moan escapes me with every ascent he makes back to my tip. A swipe of his tongue in the slit, increased suction sealing his mouth around the head, every fucking time.

I'm out of my mind from the sensations. My fingers claw at his scalp, entangled in his curls. I fear I might lose consciousness when his moans vibrate through me, ripping my orgasm from me, no muscle left unclenched as my boy sucks me dry.

**Thanks so much for reading! And for favoriting and alerting this story! I'd love to hear your thoughts! There will probably be one more chapter of their current sexin' before we hear from Jasper and get into his head a little. **

**Check out my tumblr if you'd like to see my banners and pictures and music that inspire my stories. **

**http luckytomarriedmyedward dot tumblr dot com **


	7. My First Time

**This fic was inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield.**_

**Yes… harrytwifan betaed this. She talks me through my manic writing spells and much more often blockages. She makes my fics possible. Thanks bb!**

**Disclaimer – I don't own Twilight, unfortunately. You must be 18 to read this. Slash! (Which for me means graphic boy-on-boy action.) Yum!**

**Song inspiration for this chapter and the entire sequel to **_**Sometimes**_** (**_**This Time)**_** is **_**Making Love Out of Nothing At All**_** by **_**Air Supply**_**. Yes I'm corny as all get-up and my girls want to hide my ipod claiming my song preferences cause their ears to bleed.**

* * *

**Ch. 7 – My First Time**

**Epov**

I've barely caught my breath before his lips are on mine. I open to him, drinking him in, tasting myself on his tongue. Licking and savoring the remnants of my pleasure there, finally Jasper's unique flavor is all that is left.

This kiss is different. Gone is our usual frenzy; giving more than we take for once.

He holds me in his arms. Softly. Sweetly. And as badly as I don't want this - to need him like this; I do. I cannot find the will to pull away, to stop the brewing affection between us.

So I take it. I take it all.

The gentle swipes of his tongue. The reverent caresses of his hands. The tender words murmured into my mouth, against my skin.

He pulls away and I feel bereft. I miss him.

I miss him, though he is mere feet away. I miss his heat, the feel of his skin touching mine. Hunger courses through me. Then relief.

Relief that we will not be parted for long, for he intends to take me again, to fuck me again. I can tell by the look in his eyes, by the way his gaze caresses my body as if he's actually touching me with his skilled fingers. By the condom he currently rolls down his thick cock. Swollen for me again already. Because sucking me turned him on that much.

My insides ache in anticipation as he slickens himself, preparing to fuck me. He approaches the bed with a shy smile on his lips, with asking eyes and heavy breaths.

Then he's above me, surrounding me. Consuming and demanding.

I feel his cock against me...there. Against my beckoning entrance, so tenderly pushing inside.

We've never done it this way, with him on top of me, with us facing each other like this. So that we may gaze and cherish…

I tense beneath him, warring with myself as to if to let this happen or not. But do I have a choice when every cell in my body, every muscle in my heart, is screaming for it to be?

His voice is shaky, unsure as he asks me to allow this between us. He tells me he needs to hold me. He needs to see me while he fucks me.

I want him to. I need him to. Almost as much as I need to see him, too.

My muscles relax as I surrender to yet another first tonight. Wrapping my legs around him, I open myself to him. Holding him in my arms, I pull him close, as close as he can be.

The thrusting and retreating begin. His pace is relentless, yet gentle, as we fuck.

As we make love. Because that is what we're doing. We are making love.

So, this is what it's like? This intimate act that I've so desperately avoided with him.

That I've searched and prayed for with her. Every time to no avail.

This is my first time. My first time making love.

Now I know.

I fear I will never be the same.

So intense is every sensation, every emotion, as he writhes above me. Inside me. His passion so willingly displayed on his face for me to witness.

I cannot look away from this beautiful boy, giving me his soul.

Although I want it - I know I cannot keep it; yet I give him my soul in exchange. It will forever be his from this moment forward. How I'll live without it I'm unsure.

Our eyes remain open even as we kiss, our mouths mimicking the dance between our bodies.

He begs me to cum with him as he hits that spot inside me. _His_ spot -for I'm sure he's the only one who will ever touch me like this. Taking my cock in his gentle fist, he guides us both over the top and down into the blissful abyss. No light and sound exist except the glow from within his blue eyes; except for the moans we share between open and panting mouths as we come undone together.

Darkness immediately whispers my name, calling to me to give in to sleep. To hide there for just a little while, where in my dreams - this can be. Where_ we_ can be.

Where I might keep him as my own and not have to give him back.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I hope to update this story much more often now. **

**Next up is Jasper's pov. I'd love to hear your thoughts and predictions as to what state of mind we'll find him in, what his take on all of this might be?**

**Links to the songs that inspire my chapters are on my tmblr if you're interested, as are pictures and banners, too. I'm luckytomarriedmyedward on tmblr. **

**luckytomarriedmyedward –dot- tumblr –dot- com/**


	8. Over My Head

**This story was originally inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**.**

**Thank you harrytwifan for betaing this and everything else I write! What would I do without you? Ugh… don't even want to think about it!**

**Disclaimer – I don't own twilight. You must be 18 to read this story. It contains two boys very much in love and lust. But is that enough?**

**Song inspiration for this chapter – Jasper's song for the whole fic which is **_**Over My Head**_** by **_**The Fray**_**, **_**Making Love Out of Nothing At All**_** by **_**Air Supply, **_**and **_**Lovesong**_** by **_**The Cure**_**. **

**Ch. 8 – Over My Head**

**Jpov… Finally!**

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Edward is so peaceful like this, asleep in my arms, face nestled against my chest. He feels so right here in my embrace. Where he is supposed to be.

Beautiful. He's so fucking beautiful. It's as simple as that. I cannot look away; I haven't for hours. Even as my lids grow heavy and the comfort of slumber beckons to me.

No. The need to cherish every second of him with me like this wins out. For when dawn breaks, I know I'll lose this beautiful boy all over again.

He's not ready for what we have become. I'm not sure he'll ever be.

Though, I am; I'm ready.

For anything with Edward.

For everything…

Everything we have become.

Everything that we can be.

I'd crushed on him for years, had even loved him before his gaze sought mine. Before his lips caressed my lips. Before his tongue met my tongue, stoking the fire that flickered below.

Fate intervened, leading us both to Port Angeles. And finally, he saw me too.

We bumped into each other Christmas shopping for the girls the December before last, though we came home empty-handed as far as gifts were concerned. Our hands had been full though… full of each other. Of the places on one another we'd touched, busy drawing orgasms from one another in the back seat of his car.

We continued to see each other just occasionally until last summer, letting things happen a few times here and there when tempted with opportunity. I still held out hope back then, that I could get him out of my system; that he was just a phase. Until he let me fuck him for the first time, when the girls were on vacation over the Fourth of July. I was in over my head after that.

Once my cock felt his tight heat - my heart began to beat just for the very sight of him, the touch of him. _Fuck -_ the taste of him.

From then on, I sought him at every opportunity, every situation that I could manipulate to get him alone, even if just to coax a blow-job from his perfect lips or a hand-job from his gentle fingers. My need for him only grew with each transgression.

It came to a head just before Christmas when we risked everything, fucking in the snow against the side of my house with the girls just inside.

I've stayed away since then, thinking that time and distance would rid me of my need for him. Of my love - the ache that radiates throughout me every time he is near. Every time he is far. All the fucking time.

But I cannot stay away. It pains me do so, and the girls are constantly throwing us together.

So I had to see him tonight, with the girls away, taking the last of my tenuous self-control with them.

I've suspected that he needs me as I need him, witnessing it in the way he allows himself to look at me when he thinks nobody else is paying attention. Feeling it in each of his desperate touches, each kiss, each stroke. Hearing it in his desperate cries for more.

And tonight he's finally shown me that my suspicions were correct. There is no longer any doubt. I now know that he loves me as I love him. The way we made love just hours ago - there is no other explanation for the emotions burning between us, that bound us to one another in ways I'd not known to be possible.

However, unfortunately I know that he loves her, too. I fear that he's not ready to let her go.

I also love another. Alice. I do. So much. Just not in that way; not in the way that I love Edward.

She is my best friend and always will be. She knows me like no other. Really knows me. Knows that we won't leave high school next month as more than friends. She knows my passion falls elsewhere, but not with whom.

With boys?

Yes. I think she does.

With Edward?

Hell, no.

The thought of her sister's broken heart would hurt her deeply. She loves her dear sister so. Her dear, pathetic sister that loves Edward; just not enough. Not enough to see what he needs. Not enough to see _who_ he needs. I fear she'll surely suffocate him. Actually suck the life from his lungs. The light from his eyes flickers as Bella's choke hold on him tightens. She only sees in him what she wants to see, making it so in the process.

Somehow I must continue to hide how bad I have it for Edward Cullen. How in over my head I actually am. Just for the time being. I'll give him more time. I'll wait. As long as he acknowledges what has transpired between us. As long as he admits his feelings for me, at least to some degree. I think I can wait if he does that.

He stirs in his sleep as I watch him, brushing my fingers through his crazy fiery locks, wondering how I find myself in this here and now… so fucking in love with this boy in my arms. He grinds against my thigh. His dick is hard, causing mine to grow and swell. To ache for him yet again.

Another glance at the clock reassures me that we still have a few hours until dawn. Enough time to make him mine again and maybe again after that.

"Edward, wake up darlin'. Need you, baby…"

He murmurs in his sleep as I kiss my way down his body, taking his cock in my mouth.

"Fuck, Jas… don't stop… don't ever stop…"

He's wide awake and moaning within seconds. Yelling my name as I fuck him within minutes. Taking my cock again, as I bend him over his desk within the hour.

Finally, we collapse together, spent and sated. No longer able to resist sleep, I snuggle into his arms this time, as the sky outside begins showing signs of the sun's unwelcome arrival. With it bringing the light that will surely take him away. He'll send me away.

* * *

**Oh, dear Jasper. Was he what you expected? I don't think for most of you…? Back to Edward next chapter, the morning after. **

**I'll be donating a Christmassy one-shot to the Toys for Tots Christmas Wishes Compilation again this year. It's going to be amazing; so many talented authors will be donating one-shots or outtakes to their beloved stories. For a small donation to Toys for Tots you'll receive the compilation on Christmas day! So give to a good cause and get a yummy gift for yourself in the process! Here's the link: **

**christmaswishescompilation *dot* blogspot *dot* com/p/faqs_3 *dot* html**

**Links to the songs that inspire my chapters are on my tmblr if you're interested, as are pictures and banners, too. I'm luckytomarriedmyedward:**

**luckytomarriedmyedward –dot- tumblr –dot- com/**


	9. With or Without You

**Inspired by the song **_**Your Love**_** by **_**The Outfield**_**.**

**Thank you harrytwifan again and again, for being my beta and for always having my back!**

**Song inspiration for this chapter – **_**With or Without You**_** by **_**U2**_

**This chapter is longer than usual, but it's been a while since I updated, so I thought I'd try to make up for it. That, and harrytwifan was all like, "No! Don't split that chapter in two! Give em' all of it!" She's got your back, too! ;-)**

**Disclaimer – I don't own twilight. You must be 18 to read this story. It contains two boys very much in love and lust. But is that enough?**

* * *

**Ch. 9 – With or Without You**

**Epov**

How do I give this up? After the emotions we've allowed to flow freely throughout the night, how do I continue to settle for just sometimes with Jasper?

These are the thoughts that greet me as consciousness finds me. Accompanied by reality. Each time more unwelcome than the time before. Burying me. Damn near suffocating me.

Regrettably, reality is here to stay. To be dealt with.

I don't know how, but I must find a way. I must muster the strength.

Jasper is snuggled against my side, the soft flesh of his ass nestling my hip, awakening my traitorous cock. Causing it to harden from his nearness, from the decadent sensation of his naked skin so hot against mine. From his delicious scent, our scent, the scent of our fucking, which continues to hang sweet in the air.

I attempt to will my erection away. Our time has to come to an end. I must say goodbye to Jasper, to my heart.

I know that's what he has become. Now I know. I know I need him to breathe… to feel.

Yet only sometimes can I do just that.

I must swallow this new knowledge, hide it deep inside and attempt to deny it exists. Because it can only exist occasionally.

Most of the time it cannot.

The visions of him last night – above me, inside me, giving me everything – will haunt me. They'll be my beautiful nightmare, every second of the day, every moment of the night. When I'm awake. When I'm asleep.

I'll walk the line, continue to only give in when absolutely necessary. I'll find a way to fulfill my need for him without going too far.

Without hurting everyone.

Bella.

Alice.

My father.

_Fuck…_ my father. He'll be home shortly;his shift at the hospital ends in an hour. Within that time, I must resume the duties that I endure. The cooking, cleaning, and laundry await; my responsibilities these ten years since my mother passed.

I've tried so hard to fill her shoes, to ease his pain and resignation. Yet, it doesn't end there. No. His expectations will continue to dictate my life. Expectations that I will fulfill, that will see me into his profession, and married with children soon after. To Bella, the only person he lights up for; her kind, quiet nature reminding him of my mother. According to my father, Bella is the one for me. Therefore, there is no other way, no future of my own to choose.

My head hurts from lack of sleep and thinking too much. The alarm saves me from these torturous thoughts with its shrill shriek, screaming at me to get the fuck up, to snap the fuck out of it.

Jasper barely stirs as I reach to shut it off. He burrows in closer, his warm, soft skin against mine eliciting involuntary moans from deep inside my chest.

We have just enough time. I need him one more time before I face my unwanted responsibilities and obligations. I feel them closing in. Waiting to claim me - to take my life back into their greedy clutches.

So I give in to my need for him, for what my soul cries for.

Sliding down his body, I kiss his muscled back along the way, then his hip and the cheek of his ass. Urging him onto his back, I suck him awake as he did me just a few short hours ago. His cock immediately hardens in my mouth. His moans quickly escalate into pleas for me, once more.

"Please, baby... need you..."

"I know..."

I know that he does. But so does she. And my father... he needs me, too. I will the unwelcome intruders away, not wanting to share my last few moments of Jasper with them.

"Need you, Edward... come here. Need my cock inside you... please!"

He continues to beg as I hungrily watch him roll a condom down his thick long cock, then generously dribble lube. He certainly is a sight to behold, and I can wait no longer to have him fill me the way only he ever has, as only he ever will.

He begins stroking himself, gazing at me with those pleading eyes. Blue, so blue. Crystal clear with no inhibitions or pretenses. Just open and asking for me as I climb up his body and swiftly sink down on his cock, my used hole easily swallowing him in one mind blowing descent. Our mouths reunite, absorbing each other's moans at the immediate relief that our union delivers. Temporarily sating our souls.

The time draws near for him to go, so I ride him fast and hard - chasing our final release. Hard and fast, though the love is still there. It always will be from now on.

It's present in his adoring eyes , open and drinking me in. In his gripping fingers on my hips, bruising me. In the fervent drive of his hips as he pushes up and off the bed, meeting me thrust for thrust.

I'm so fucking hard it hurts. Somehow he knows, dragging his adoring gaze from my face, down my writhing body to my bouncing dick. He knows the sweet pain my swollen, leaking cock endures. I hiss his name as he takes it in hand, roughly jacking me off, all the while begging me to cum.

"Fuck, Edward. So close, baby. Gotta cum so bad. Gonna cum so hard. Cum with me… please…"

I do.

And he does.

My cum paints his torso in milky lines that seem to never end. I still above him, paralyzed by the sensations that spiral throughout my body. He holds me there, relentlessly pumping my cock while grasping my hip with his free hand. Thrusting so deep inside, he fills the condom with each spasm of his dick, as my orgasm continues to flicker like a flame that refuses to be snuffed out.

I'm a twitching mess by the time we come down, me so tight in his arms.

_Fuck… He has to go_. I must tell him to go. And not come back, even with the girls gone. I need distance. If I see him again so soon, like this, there will be no turning back.

I can't let that happen.

I attempt to tell him everything I feel with one last languid kiss. Everything… the good and the bad.

He seems to understand, pulling his lips from mine.

…_heartbreak._

Gently rolling me off and away, he sits up and drags his body to the edge of the bed.

…_pain._

I lay there so cold, so bereft without his touch, left to gaze at his back longingly. He slumps forward, head in hands.

…_excruciating._

Yet, I don't expect the tears in his eyes when he turns to place one last kiss to my sweat-soaked forehead.

…_unbearable._

I must. I must bear this.

I move to sit against the head board, watching as he slowly pulls worn jeans up his muscular legs, past slender hips and over his perfect ass. He is quiet, trying so hard not to look at me, but he can't help but glance my way. His sad eyes caress my skin, eliciting tingles in their wake. Every cell within me screams to reach for him, to call his name and to beg him to stay - consequences be damned. I ache to do it, to give in. To follow my heart.

But I can't.

Reason wins out; I avert my eyes from his beauty instead. He pulls his t-shirt over his head and stands there before me with his hands in his pockets, looking at the floor.

Waiting to say goodbye?

Hoping I'll ask him to stay?

I can't. I can't do either. I can't be without him. I can't be with him.

We are frozen like this.

Waiting.

His blond waves hang in his eyes and I'm glad for that. I fear what I might see in them, that it might kill me on the spot. I silently pray for him to turn and go. To leave without speaking the words or forcing me to say what neither of us wants to hear. I think he's going to do just that, not make me say it, not make me see it.

Until he does. He raises his face , showing me what I've feared.

Pain.

Love.

Need.

So many things that do neither of us any good.

He pleads with his eyes for me to take it all away and I want to so badly. I need to. But I can't.

I close my eyes instead, rubbing my aching temples, trying to think of what to say. How do I tell him to leave? That I love him? That it doesn't change a thing?

I don't have to. I don't have time to verbalize the painful truth. The sound of the door closing startles me. He is gone when I open my eyes.

* * *

**Ugh… poor sweet boys. I hope you don't hate Edward, and you don't hate me? Bear with us?**

**Harrytwifan had the PERFECT banner for this story made for my birthday by Yulliah, who did and AMAZING job! It's on my fb profile and my tmblr. (**_**facebook –dot- com/#!/married –dot- myedward**_** on fb and **_**luckytomarriedmyedward –dot- tumblr –dot- com**_** on tmblr)**

**I'll be donating a Christmassy one-shot to the Toys for Tots Christmas Wishes Compilation again this year. It's going to be amazing; so many talented authors will be donating one-shots or outtakes to their beloved stories. For a small donation to Toys for Tots you'll receive the compilation on Christmas day! So give to a good cause and get a yummy gift for yourself in the process! Here's the link: christmaswishescompilation *dot* blogspot *dot* com/p/faqs_3 *dot* html**

**One more thing – I received an anonymous review asking if and when I'll be continuing **_**If You Leave**_**. I will continue it when **_**In the Corner**_** is finished, which will be after just one or two more chapters and an epilogue. (*Sigh*… I'll miss those boys.)**


	10. These Arms of Mine

**Thanks, again, to my sweet beta harrytwifan! **

**Disclaimer – I don't own twilight. This is Slash, about passionate boys trying to figure things out. Don't read if you don't like reading about beautiful boys together, or if you aren't of legal adult age. **

**Song inspiration – An oldy but goody, **_**These Arms of Mine**_** by **_**Otis Redding**_**.**

* * *

**Ch. 10 - These Arms of Mine**

**Epov**

It's been a week since he walked out. Since I let him leave. Seven days since our night, when I allowed myself to realize how deep my feelings for him truly ran. Deep and cutting through every fiber of my being.

I've tried to keep myself busy; to not think of him. My father's extensive to-do-list should've done the trick, yet I've thought about nothing but Jasper. The good and the bad. How much I want him. How much I need to stop wanting him so fucking much.

I didn't call him. I didn't text. All week, I didn't.

Until finally, yesterday - I caved and I called. He didn't answer or call me back.

I texted. He didn't text back, either.

So, here I stand on his porch. The girls will be home tonight. I really need to see him before they return. Who knows when we will get another chance.

If he'll give me another chance...

I'm really fucking nervous as I knock on his door, as I wait.

When he finally opens the door, his eyes light up for a brief second, I know they do. It's unmistakable; his sky blues deepen to indigo. Desire swells and pulses between us.

But he quickly steels himself against something.

Against me.

He steels himself against me.

Swallowing hard, he turns and leaves me standing in the open doorway.

I tread lightly, following slowly. I think I'd follow him anywhere right now because I want him, need him so much. To touch me and fill me again. One more time before we must resume our roles.

I need to hold him, to have him in my arms. They've felt so empty without him.

His house is warm and cozy. It's Jasper, through and through. I smell him everywhere. His scent hits me at the door, as always – somehow, simultaneously of sunshine and rain. I've practically drowned in it the few times I've been here when I could no longer stay away. This time is no different.

I find him in his living room, sitting on the sofa, playing his guitar. His eyes are closed as he begins his song. I try to prepare myself for the effect his soulful voice has on me - it always does, but I can't. His voice fills the small room, wrapping around me. I'm mesmerized as always. This time, I can surrender to it. I don't have to fight it or hide how it affects me. I don't have to think of a reason to leave the room, with Bella, of course, on my heels. She always is.

I don't have to fuck her to try to forget, or run home to jack-off to remember.

Still, I force my feet to keep moving, looking away from him, beautiful and swaying in his trance-like state as he plays and sings.

I walk around the room looking at the photographs on the wall, one in particular of Jasper when he was just a little boy, blond hair peeking out of his cowboy hat as he peeks over the top of a huge brown horse. It appears to be at least 20 times bigger than him. He proudly smiles ear-to-ear as he sits atop the gentle animal. So adorable.

_Adorable?_

_Ah fuck… I'm so screwed._

His song changes, and I can't help but turn around. Staring at me, his succulent lips move as his rich voice caresses me with a familiar melody that was a favorite of my mother's. I can still remember her and father dancing to it in our kitchen as it played on the stereo; so wrapped up in each other, as if I wasn't there. Yet, the look in Jasper's eyes as he sings those words to me has me instantly hard and aching.

"_These arms of mine, they are lonely… lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine, they are yearning… yearning from wanting you. And if you would let them hold you, oh how grateful I would be. These arms of mine, they are burning, burning from wanting you…"_

I'm pulled toward his eyes, his voice, his words. Collapsing on the couch beside him, I'm overcome with warring emotions…a yearning for my mother I've not allowed myself to feel in a very long time…a longing for Jasper that pales all others in comparison. He doesn't know the dam he's caused to break, in either case.

His voice fades and his fingers stop stroking the strings of his guitar. A tear slides down my cheek as he finally breaks the gaze he's kept locked on mine.

We sit frozen like this, with me trying not to cry, and him intently staring at his guitar.

Minutes pass. Finally, he abruptly stands and crosses the room to place his guitar in its stand. He turns to look at me, but his voice is cold and distant when he speaks, and his words cut me to the bone.

"What do you want, Edward?"

When I answer, my voice is shaky. "You, Jasper. I want you. I need you before..."

"You had all week!" he interrupts me, almost shouting. "We… we could've had all week. But now? You want me, now? When the girls are almost back?"

"I called you. I texted you."

"Yesterday, Edward. Don't bullshit me. You didn't want to see me. You know it. I know it."

"You're wrong." I stare him down, and with conviction in my voice, I say, "I _wanted_ to see you. I _needed_ to see you, too. I just…I just _couldn't_." I throw his words back at him. "You know it. I know it."

He's seething, breathing heavy and trembling.

He's hurting. Because of me.

I did this…I did this to him. I _do_ this to him and I hate myself so fucking much for it.

I should leave. I should get up and walk out the door and never bother him again.

But I can't. I love him. I need him. Even if I don't deserve the parts of him I steal away.

"Tonight… we have until tonight," I say, trying to convince him we have enough time.

He laughs at me. "No, Edward. We don't. Alice texted… they'll be home early. A couple hours, maybe. I can't believe Bella hasn't kept you better informed? That she doesn't have you waiting for her at their house? In her bed!"

Sarcasm and contempt drip from his every word, but what takes my breath is the news that they'll be back sooner than I'd expected.

My head falls to my hands. I tug at my fucked up hair, shaking my head slightly. "She texted and tried to call while I was on my way over here, but I couldn't deal with her when I was coming to see you. Only two hours?!"

I don't hide my disappointment well. One would think I'd be anxious for her return. Of course, Jasper picks up on this and doesn't let it go.

"What? You haven't missed your girlfriend, Edward? What kind of a boyfriend are you?"

"Fuck you!" I yell, now seething and trembling, too. "You know this shit is complicated. I have missed her. I've just… I've just…"

"What?"

"I've just missed you more." I barely say the words aloud, hardly able to hear them myself, but he does. He hears; I know he does. I see the disdain he wears slipping away, replaced with sadness and need. He comes to me, kneeling before me, laying his head in my lap. When he wraps his arms around my waist, I bend over him, wrapping myself around him. Running my fingers through his waves, I whisper my need for him in his ear.

He lifts up to kiss me. His lips claim mine, his tongue immediately deep in my mouth, eliciting wanton moans I'm unable to control. It's rough. It's possessive.

When he pulls back, I can see his mask is back in place. But I don't mind. I understand. He needs it as much as I do to skate this thin line we're attempting to maneuver. One wrong move and we both loose our footing and fall. Whether we land together or alone won't matter, because it'll all be over and we won't be the only ones left broken.

I see the struggle he endures. We both know how everything has changed. There's much more at stake than there was before. We bared our souls and now we can't take it back.

It becomes apparent he's made up his mind to give me what I need when I notice his gaze increasingly falling to my lips. He needs this as badly as I do; it will hopefully placate our souls until the next time.

"You need my cock, Edward? Is that what you need? Is that what you want, baby?"

"Yes. Jasper… fuck, yes! So I won't forget. Please… need this… need you…"

He stands before me, unbuckling his brown leather belt, then unbuttoning each button on his sexy-as-hell button fly jeans. With a wink, he purrs, "Oh, you won't forget, baby. You'll feel me for a week."

My breath catches in my throat at his words, and the sight of his trim pubes peeking through his open fly. Then his jeans are pushed away and his cock is in my face, so hard and huge already.

I wish we could make love again. Now that I've experienced it, I need it. But the tight grasp of his fingers painfully in my hair, as he thrusts his dick immediately down my throat, tells me this will be rough and desperate. This will be fucking.

I'll gladly take whatever he has to give.

* * *

**Ugh… these boys just make me feel "ugh"- in a turned on way and in a sad way, too! How about you? Stick with me? I think the wait will be worth it!?**

**Thanks so much for your favorites, alerts, and reviews! **

**I'm on facebook with pics and banners and links to my tmblr where I post pics, banners, and links to the songs that help me write. Like the song from this chapter. Yeah, the one from Dirty Dancing. Except of course where Otis sang 'mama' and 'woman', Jasper sings 'baby' and 'lover', hee hee.**

**I'm Married Myedward on fb.**


	11. Wake Me Up Inside

**Thanks to harrytwifan for betaing this, of course. And for listening to my silly rants and coddling me until I finally get a chapter done!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything Twilight. This is Slash! You must be of legal adult age to read!**

**Song Inspirations – **_**Heavy in Your Arms **_**by**_** Florence and the Machine**_** and **_**Breathe Me to Life**_** by **_**Evanescence**_**.**

* * *

**Ch. 11 –Wake Me Up Inside**

**Jpov**

My sister, Rose, could be home any minute. Alice will be back from her vacation soon. But right now, with Edward wrapped around my dick… I can't bring myself to care.

If only they could all see what I do to him, the quivering mess he is on his knees, taking my cock like a champ. If only they could see the truth. I secretly wish that they would.

He moves below me in perfect rhythm. Bent over the back of my couch, panting and moaning, receiving me as if his body is made just for mine. During times like this, I'm sure that it is.

I battle the feelings he evokes. He wants my cock; he needs it? Well, my cock he can have. I'll fuck him right out of my system. That's just what I'll do.

I practically laugh out loud at the absurdity of my pointless declaration. If it were possible to forget him - to somehow get over him - I would've found a way by now. God knows I've tried.

If only I had any hope of succeeding at fucking him out of my system, then I might survive this. My unwanted love and unwelcome need for this boy.

I feel my balls tightening despite my inner conflict. The tingling in my groin magnifies by the second. There's no denying what he does to me. I'm close to losing it already, but I'm nowhere near done with his perfect ass.

Looking down where we're joined, the sight of my body owning his again and again is almost too much. I grab his hair, and he arches that pretty back of his just right.

"Fuck… Jasper… please!"

He begs to stroke himself. He begs me to stop the force with which I fuck him. He needs to reach down and take his cock in hand. He needs to finally find his release.

"No," is my gruff reply. "You wait to cum! You hear me?"

His moans increase.

Pulling his hair even tighter, I demand, "Edward! Answer me!"

He manages to barely audibly stutter, "Yes… yes, Jasper… but I'm so close…"

_Fuck_, my needy, responsive boy… how he affects me so. It's not just the way I perfectly fit inside him, but also the way in which he receives me, and his reactions to everything I do. Everything we do together.

My attempt to hold on to my indifference is failing. I feel it slipping away. It's so much easier to function with its presence, when apathy settles into the cracks in my heart. But his pleas are melting my precious indifference away. The way he looks back at me – with what I now know to be love in his eyes -breaking down the fragile wall I've spent all week constructing. He sees into my core, warming my soul, waking me up inside.

But for what? To leave me cold and numb again as he always does? As he'll have to do as soon as I'm done fucking him?

I have to get away from here. Out of this town. Away from this boy.

If only he'd go with me. We could run, together. Maybe… if I give him just a little more time?

Two more months. We graduate in two months.

Until then…I'll fuck him every chance I get. I'll fuck him and he'll never forget. I'll fuck him until he can never let me go.

My feelings for my boy warm me from the inside out, and suddenly, fucking him is no longer enough. I need so much more. Falling forward, I wrap my arms around my love. I kiss his back, damp with sweat, salty beneath my lips. I breathe him in as I resume my thrusts, more gently this time.

Reaching around his slender frame, I find his cock so hard and leaking. His wails increase as I stroke him in time with my thrusts.

"There you go, baby. Is that what you need? You need to cum?" I croon in his ear. The calm of my voice sounds foreign, for I know the inferno that builds inside, so close to igniting my entire soul in blinding pleasure. But he must cum first; I need him to feel it first.

"Uhhhhnnnggg… yes! Fuck, yes! Gonna cum!"

He barely finishes his sentence before he's shooting his sticky release all over my hand and the back of the couch. Trembling below me, spasming around me, he comes down from his high as my ecstasy is just beginning.

Pulling back enough to gain some leverage, I pound into him so deep, so hard. I let go and roar through a climax that leaves me heaving for breath and literally seeing stars. I empty my heart and soul inside him, into the condom. Pulling out, I hastily discard it before collapsing on the couch beside him. He crawls on top of me, into my arms, burrowing close - as if here we are safe from the reality slowly seeping back in.

But we're not. And it does, invading my senses. I'd much rather cling to the feel of him here in my arms, the smell of our coupling in the air, the sound of his breathing as it ebbs and flows.

I can't. Instead, I am met with the harsh reality that I've played my cards once again. I might as well give up my attempts at bluffing when it comes to how I feel for Edward. I don't have it in me. As of yet.

My phone beeps beside me on the couch. It's a text from Alice. She's home and will come over soon.

The time has come to again let him go.

I hear his phone vibrating from within the heap that is his discarded jeans. Apparently, he's had it on vibrate.

He's fallen asleep in my arms; I force myself to slip from his embrace. It hurts to do so, but it has to be. As much as I'd love to just lie here like this, together, until we're discovered… to push his hand and give up this charade whether he likes it or not… I can't bring myself to do such a thing. He's not ready and I would never hurt him intentionally. Nor would I want my sweet Alice to find out in such a way. When and if I tell her, she deserves a private conversation.

I want to tell her. She's my best friend and I hate keeping anything from her. If it weren't her sister's boyfriend whom I'm in love with, I would've told her by now. But it is. So I can't. Not yet, at least.

He barely stirs, curling up in a ball, deeply sleeping again almost immediately. I lightly brush my thumb along the circles under his eyes.

He looks like shit, if that's possible. The fact that he's obviously slept as little as me this past week pulls at something deep inside. I should be glad he's suffered as I have, but I'm not. My compassion for him wins out. I know he has it rough at home on a good day. I don't want to further complicate his life. I don't want to be the source of any of his pain.

I hate this. I hate that he's hurting. I especially hate that I have anything to do with it. It's so fucking frustrating… when I'd give anything to take all of his pain away. His involvement with me is the root of his torment. It isn't fair. Nothing about this is fair!

When his jeans at my feet begin vibrating, again - I don't think. I don't stop myself from retrieving his cell. I don't stop myself from holding it in my hand and glaring at the name that appears on the screen.

_Bella_.

Ofcourse. I knew it would be her. But the bile churns in my stomach at the sight of her name; my grip on the phone becomes painful.

I press the green 'Accept' button before I know what I'm doing. Raising the phone to my ear, I bark, "Hello?" in a voice that says, _Who the fuck is this and why the fuck are you calling Edward's phone?_

"Jasper? Is that you? Why on earth are you answering Edward's phone? Is everything okay? I haven't been able to get ahold of him!"

_Fuck! _ She sounds genuinely concerned, borderline alarmed. Completely understandable.

Why does she always have to be so nice? It would be so much easier to hate her if she weren't always so nice.

And I want to… I want to hate her with a vengeance. But I can't. She loves him and it isn't her fault that I do to. Nor is it her fault that he loves me back. That he loves us both.

I do allow myself to resent her, though. I'll allow that. Because if she'd just open her eyes, just take off her rose colored glasses, she'd see that he isn't happy. That he has feelings for me. That he'd be better off with me.

"Hello? Jasper? Are you there?"

I begrudgingly answer, not meaning what I say. Realizing too late what my words might imply.

"Yes, Bella… It's Jasper. Edward is at my house. He's with me."

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**Yeah. Am I a tease, or what? I'm feeling ornery, I guess. Please leave a review and tell me you forgive me?!**

**I recently discovered iMovie on my phone and made a video for **_**In the Corner**_** and one for the oneshot I'm working on- **_**Baby, Just Say Yes,**_** which is inspired by the song **_**Love Story**_** by **_**Taylor swift**_**. You can check them out on youtube at ****youtube –dot- com/user/marriedmyedward1997 ****-(I'm marriedmyedward1997 on youtube).**


	12. Effortless

**It's late and I'm so tired so I'll keep this short…**

**Harrytwifan betaed this! Need I say more? Thank you, girl! Love ya!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. This is slash. You must be of legal age wherever you live to read any further.**

**Song inspiration – Back to Jasper's song for this entire fic, **_**Over My Head**_** by **_**The Fray**_

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**Ch.12 – Effortless**

**Jpov**

_He's with me? _

_He's with me! _

_What the fuck am I saying?_

"He's with you?" Bella asks, confused. As far as she knows, Edward's never been to my house without her and Alice.

"Uh, yeah…he's here with me. Um… waiting for you and Alice to get home."

_What have I done?_

"Oh… Okay then. Can I talk to him?"

Shit! I'm looking at my beautiful boy. Hers? Ours? Our beautiful boy. He's still asleep on my couch. So very naked and asleep on my couch!

No, I don't think she can talk to him.

"Uh, well… he's in the bathroom. I answered his phone because he was in the bathroom. _Is_! He still _is_ in the bathroom. I heard his phone vibrating. It's been on silent, I guess, but I heard it vibrate. Edward must've accidentally had it on silent, I don't know… but I heard it vibrate, so I answered it, since he's in the bathroom."

_Shut the fuck up, man! You're digging you and Edward both into a hole. A deep, very dark, very obvious hole._

But amazingly enough, she seems to buy my story and quickly hangs up to come over with Alice. She's coming over with Alice! Now!

They'll be here soon. Too soon. Very fucking soon!

Five minutes later sees Edward frantically pacing around my living room, pulling at his hair and cursing under his breath.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

And damn, if he isn't as sexy as ever, even pissed and distraught like he is.

I try to not let my body respond to him, but my efforts are fruitless as my dick swells long and hard in my jeans.

It's almost as if he can smell my arousal. He abruptly stops his pacing and stares at the bulge in my pants, his eyes glazing over with obvious lust. Even amidst this chaos, our need for one another prevails. He closes the distance between us, taking me with a ravaging kiss. His dominating mouth and tongue demand entry, necessitate compliance. Like I would refuse him. Like I could.

But too quickly, he braces himself against everything that is natural between us. He releases my mouth, panting and leaning his forehead against mine, still holding our bodies close. Our erections dig into one another; our fingers cling painfully to flesh. His pants aren't even zipped, his shirt's still off, and the smell of him makes me almost forget the impending uncomfortable situation of the girls' imminent arrival. The smell of him…yes, he smells like me. Like us, our scents intertwined and fused from fucking. The sweetest scent I've ever smelled.

The spell is broken when he lets me go. In more ways than one, he lets me go. Turning away, he pulls his grey Ambercrombie t-shirt on and proceeds to nervously straighten the couch and its cushions. When he finally turns around to face me, he bombards me with accusations.

"Why did you answer my phone? What were you thinking?" he demands.

I answer as a scolded child might, unable to look him in the eye. "I don't know… I obviously wasn't thinking."

"So now she's on her way over here? Bella is on her way? How exactly do I face her when we just did what we just did? There?" He motions to the couch where we just fucked. Where we ultimately made love, again. I get distracted by the bittersweet memories of us there, just us, Edward and Jasper, such a short time ago.

The pain hits me in brutal waves, brought on by his indifference to what we just shared, to what I just gave him. My heart. Once more.

"Yes. Your beloved Bella will be here any minute. What of it Edward? Like we haven't fucked prior to seeing her before!"

My defensive words shock him. He seems taken aback, for just a moment, before shaking his head and spitting another question at me.

"What am I going to do?" he harshly asks of me, like I have all the answers, yet refuse to share them with him. I don't have the answers. Not a single fucking clue as to what to do. He knows this!

I fire his question right back at him. "I don't know, Edward... What are you going to do?"

We stare each other down, fighting an unspoken battle.

Slowly, his eyes soften; in turn my heart softens, too. He pleads with me with his sad green eyes.

In a strangled voice, he practically whispers, "They can't find out. _She_ can't find out. I don't want to lose you… I don't want to lose this," he motions between us.

Yes… because if he loses one of us, it will be me. I'm the disposable one.

I don't know why I do it, but I pull him into my arms to hold him one last time, before I can't until who knows when. I tell him it will be okay, that he's not going to lose anyone, that he doesn't have to lose either of us, that we'll go on as we did before.

I fail to mention I can't go on like this indefinitely. I don't bring up how things have changed between us, irrevocably so. That I can't stay his dirty little secret much longer.

At his request, I light a candle and we start playing xbox to appear nonchalant. When the girls bounce into the room, I can't deny the relief I feel to have my little pixie in close proximity again. She climbs into my lap, kissing my cheeks. She chatters away about everything they've been up to, even though I already know every last detail from her frequent texts.

I try very hard to ignore the scene Bella makes not five feet away, sloppily kissing Edward, moaning and grinding on him obscenely. It becomes exceedingly difficult not to retch all over her.

As usual, Edward seems comfortable enough in her arms. He obviously loves Bella and cares for her deeply, yet his eyes search me out as much as they avoid me; they are nowhere near as bright and full of life as when we were alone.

Too late, I realize silence has settled around our awkward little foursome. Alice isn't prattling on anymore, but instead, intently studying me. I know she's caught me blatantly staring at Edward, zoned out and not really listening to her. She doesn't look upon me with disapproval or disdain, though. No. Only compassion and concern brim her beautiful brown eyes.

"Jas… honey? You look terrible. You look like you haven't slept a wink."

Bella chimes in with her own heartfelt concerns for Edward. She strokes the purple circles under his eyes as I did. Was it just minutes ago he and I were here alone, that he was mine to tend to?

"Baby?" She coos to him in her sickeningly sweet voice. "What's the matter? You look exhausted. We better get you home and in bed for a nap. I need you rested for what I have planned for us tonight when your daddy's at work. All night, baby. Come along, now."

_Do I really have to sit here and listen to this shit!?_

Alice suggests a nap for me too, but she and I both know it is in no way needed for sexual stamina. We haven't fooled around in a long time, but we make up for our lack of physical intimacy with cuddling. We've never really talked about it, but she seems just as happy with the natural course our relationship has run as I am. We do what feels right for us. Cuddling feels right. Sex does not.

Bella is quickly pulling Edward up off the couch and in the direction of the front door, giggling and calling behind them, "Have a good night, you two. Don't do anything we wouldn't do… but that doesn't leave much, now does it?"

_Ha-fucking-ha._

_Bitch._

But she's not. And I know it.

I'm used to her candor about she and Edward constantly having sex. Hell… I've heard them too many times to count. Yet, I cringe, and my insides twist. It's never bothered me this badly before. It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, now.

I watch them disappear down the hall - headed to his house, where I should be headed with him, to do the things only I should get to do with him. The last thing I see, before rushing to the bathroom to dry heave the food I've barely consumed, are his haunting eyes. Begging me for forgiveness. Imploring me to understand. Reminding me of my promise – that things will remain as they were before between us.

I forgive him; I always will. And I understand - above all else, I truly understand how difficult this predicament those of us who supposedly care for him put him in.

Nevertheless, can I keep my promise? I fear I can not. For nothing will ever be the same.

* * *

**Oh boy… you still with me? **

**Thank you for your reviews and favorites and alerts! Each review or favorite/alert notification makes my heart go pitty-pat! Speaking of reviews, please leave me one? I don't usually beg, but I'm especially needy right now. I can take the heat. I'll take heat over not knowing any day!**

**Wonderful news! My beta harrytwifan won second place Most Motivational Beta in the Energize WIP awards! Way to go, hon!**


	13. This is How it Has to Be

**First, I just want to share my excitement… These boys have been nominated for the Non-Canon Awards for Best Tear Jerker! I'm so happy! Thank you to whoever nominated them!**

**Thank you harritwifan, for betaing this twice! She helped me work out how to handle what Edward is about to do. **

**Disclaimer – I don't own twilight. This is slash. That means two beautiful boys in lust and love, confused as they are. Please don't read unless you're of legal age!**

**Song Inspiration- _Iris_ by _The Goo Goo Dolls_ and _Down_ by _Stroke9_**

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**Ch. 15 – The Way it Has to Be**

**Epov**

I've pretty much been on autopilot all day since allowing Bella to take me away. So much of my life is just that –on autopilot. Barely coasting, doing what I have to do, what I'm supposed to do.

I followed her out of his house, to mine. I left him behind. With an aching look of sadness that I'm sure matched my own, there in his beautiful eyes.

I've done everything she's asked me to do, everything she needs. Lying here in bed with her beside me, exhausted as I am, I can't stop from contemplating the events of the day. I can't forget leaving him. Every time I close my eyes he's there, on his couch, pleading with me for something.

On arriving home, Bella first insisted I take a shower, complaining that I reeked like I'd been at the gym all morning. She teased that I stank of someone else. Giggling at that, she joked, "At least it isn't another girl I smell on you. You smell like another boy." Little did she know she'd hit the nail on the head, that it was Jasper she sensed. That it was very much a boy's scent she'd noticed, marking every inch of my body.

I convinced her to make us lunch instead of joining me in the shower. I just couldn't be with her like that yet. I couldn't let her wash him away; it was something I had to do myself.

So I stepped under the hot water and washed away all remnants of him, silently crying the entire time. The roar in my ears was deafening, the tears in my eyes blinding. The way I gasped for breath had my heart racing and my lungs burning, as I experienced my first panic attack, I suppose.

The first of possibly many now that I've admitted to myself how I love him, and now that I know of how he loves me in return... this is all so much more difficult than it was before. I fear I'll lose control, that I'll panic every time I lose him all over again.

I washed myself slowly, reverently. With trembling hands, I skated between thoroughly cleansing away any evidence of him, and cherishing every inch of skin he'd so recently touched. I cringed with discomfort when I washed the tender area he'd claimed, where he'd fucked me roughly at first, then worshiped me with such tender sentiment, making love to me. The dull ache simultaneously soothed me, knowing it was there to stay for days as proof that our time together actually happened.

After lunch, Bella encouraged me to take a nap. I happily obliged. With relief, I curled up in a ball in the middle of my bed, covers pulled up over my head. I fell asleep easily, due to the past sleepless week and a few of my father's sleeping pills. The ones he has no idea I know about, that he takes every single day, that he's addicted to, I'm sure. So many bottles in his bedside table; he doesn't even notice when I take one, or two.

I slept for hours in a fitful sleep filled with blond, wavy hair, and sad blue eyes gazing at me. Those comforting images repeatedly morphed into long brown hair across my chest and chocolate brown eyes full of trust and hope. Back and forth they transformed, sometimes merging together, or mixing up completely, the entire fucking time I slept. Needless to say, I awoke more exhausted than ever, with Bella huddling over me, a thermometer and Tylenol in hand. I was a sweaty mess, but didn't have a fever. I convinced her I was fine. That I'd had my usual nightmares I've periodically experienced since Mother's passing.

Dinner with Father was formal and grueling as usual, full of conversations about colleges and pre-med, houses and grandchildren.

Fucking grandchildren! My children. I'm god damned eighteen years old! I don't even know if I ever want children ten or twenty years from now. I do know I sure as fuck don't want to talk or so much as think about them now.

Nevertheless, I held my tongue and played my part, feigning interest and enthusiasm, suffocating the entire time.

I always feel as if I can't breathe, as if I'll never be able to breathe again, when faced with the image of the future that has already been decided for me.

I continued to do what Bella asked of me when Father left for the hospital. We finally had the fight I knew was coming over having my phone on vibrate this morning. Why would I do that? How could I hurt her like that when she'd been gone for a week and couldn't wait to get back to me? Didn't I miss her? Didn't I love her? I wanted to scream and shout that I love Jasper, too. That I ignored her calls because I was begging for him. But I didn't. I just took her shit as I always do. As I should and will considering I am such a prick to cheat on her like I do. I deserved any shit she had to give me and then some.

Once her tirade ran its course, I fucked her like there was no tomorrow, until she fell asleep spent beside me, where she still lies with her back to me on her side of the bed. Where she'll hopefully stay unconscious until morning. That's one way to shut her up; one way to get a little fucking peace. That and the handful of sleeping pills I just took with the last of the wine. Or was it two handfuls? I don't fucking know.

I don't mind nailing Bella, not as long as he isn't there in my head, haunting me with his pleading eyes and demanding voice. I find her soft curves and warm wet welcome arousing. My dick doesn't mind, for sure. It doesn't seem to differentiate between girls and boys. My dick likes them both, equally so.

I become a different person when I'm with Bella, driving into her. The part of me Jasper brings out doesn't make an appearance. Unlike with him, I'm the powerful one, the strong one. I'm no longer weak and pathetic, full of want and unwelcome need. I'm the dominant top, taking care of my girl.

But it doesn't feel right. I know what right feels like, and that's not it. I can't lie. It feels good, but it doesn't feel right. Only Jasper feels right.

Yet, _this is how it has to be..._ I've decided that's my new mantra. I'll be two different people, falling into whichever role is right for the moment. I'll divide myself in half and live in the moment. I can't allow myself to think farther ahead than that. I'll find a balance between my need for him and my need to do the right thing. Between my love for them both. I do love her, just not the way I should. But I do. She's everything I should need, everything my father does need. I won't allow myself to think about the fact that this can't be the right thing for any of us. I'll keep reminding myself this is how it has to be for me to survive.

Yes. This is how it has to be.

She wiggles closer, brushing up against my back. I feel her soft and yielding, and my body reacts to her as it always does. It would be easy to fuck her again, to forget him for a little while, but I don't want to. Besides, the pills are beginning to kick in. Mixed with the wine Bella begged me to sneak from Father's wine cellar, I should fall into a dreamless sleep any minute. Father won't mind, since it was for her. She wanted the wine, therefore, it will be okay. Anything she wants is acceptable as far as he's concerned. She's my buffer, my excuse. He leaves me alone when she is near. I can't thank her enough for that.

Finally, my eyelids grow heavy and my mind becomes foggy. So groggy. I hug the pillow that still faintly smells of Jasper from a week ago. Maybe I'm imagining it, but I know I can still smell him there in the softness. I breathe him in, and the last thing I see before I succumb to the darkness is his blue eyes. I'm quickly slipping under; I hear his velvety voice, too. Although I won't be dreaming, submerged in the approaching self-inflicted nothingness that awaits me, I'm comforted by my last coherent thought. He'll be there with me. No matter how far away, he always is.

* * *

**Oh boy. Please let me know your thoughts! **

**Along with this story, 'In the Corner' has been nominated for Best Slash and Best Quote and I'm nominated for Best Non Canon Author Award! Check out the other nominees and vote at:**

**thenon-canonawards blogspot com/p/nominees (Dots go in the spaces and at the end, then add html)**

**I want to recommend an intense and sexy fic, Red Headed Slut by DKinney (dot between D and Kinney). I'm sure a lot of you are already reading it. If you aren't, I strongly suggest you do! It updates weekly and is so good. Read it at: /s/9119861/1/Red-Headed-Slut**

**I'm working on In the Corner, as promised. This Edward demanded to be heard first. I should have the ITC chapter done in the next few days. **


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